


Car-Crash Hearts

by cranperryjuice



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 10:42:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2689826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cranperryjuice/pseuds/cranperryjuice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chronicle of G-Dragon and TOP's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Car-Crash Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written in 2009, so please keep in mind that this is set around the time Big Bang released Haru Haru. :)

"Again," Jae Wook says, weariness creeping into his voice.

Seung Hyun wipes his forehead and tries in vain to catch his breath. His clothes are sticking to him unpleasantly and the too-warm, humid air in the dance studio makes him feel like he's a few minutes away from suffocating. Jae Wook's staring at him, so he drags himself through the sequence he's been struggling with one more time, grimacing at every mistake he notices he's making. It's not like he can't see what he's doing wrong - he just can't get his body to cooperate.

Jae Wook's shoulders rise and fall in a sigh Seung Hyun can't hear over the blood pounding in his ears. "Close enough. Watch your left arm." He checks his watch, then turns to the others - he's been working on correcting Seung Hyun long enough that they gave up a few minutes ago and flopped down in a corner with bottles of water. "Let's call it a day. Ji Yong, can you help him catch up?"

Seung Hyun flips his damp hair out of his eyes just in time to catch the irritated glance Ji Yong shoots his way. "Yeah, sure."

He can't find it in himself to be annoyed by that reaction - the golden child of YG Entertainment is more than busy enough as it is, and if Seung Hyun were in his shoes, he doesn't think he'd appreciate having to deal with his own uncoordinated ass on top of everything else, either. "Thanks," he mutters as he walks over to the fridge for some water.

***

Ji Yong, as it turns out, is much worse than Jae Wook. He's apparently turned Seung Hyun into his pet project - he insisted on comparing their schedules as soon as they got home, and now Seung Hyun has four extra dance lessons to deal with this week. He hates it when Ji Yong forgets that normal people like to eat and sleep and have _lives_. The only consolation is that the large mirror in their new apartment means they'll be able to do it at home.

Their first meeting is at ten o' clock the following evening, and as Seung Hyun sits in the living room, watching TV and keeping an eye on the clock, he can already tell it's not going to be pleasant. Their manager brought them pizza earlier, but he had to eat rabbit food instead (Master Hwang is _still_ on his case about his diet) and his stomach is already rumbling again. He doesn't like exerting himself when he's hungry, and at this point he just wishes he could go to bed.

Ji Yong walks into the apartment at five past ten, carrying a large cup of Starbucks coffee. "You ready?" he asks. Seung Hyun sighs and stands up.

It's a little bit easier to concentrate when the rest of the group and the dance crew aren't sitting right behind him, waiting for him to catch up. Ji Yong, though, isn't what he'd call a great teacher - before long he's snapping directions at him from the couch, rolling his eyes and throwing up his hands at every mistake. Seung Hyun wants to strangle him.

"Dude, raise your arm and _then_ turn. It's not hard or anything."

Seung Hyun turns around. "You could get off your ass and _show_ me," he says through gritted teeth.

"Jae Wook showed you about five million times," he replies, but once Seung Hyun glares hard enough, he stands up and goes through the moves slowly. "Like this."

Seung Hyun takes a few seconds to calm down before turning back to the mirror and trying the moves again. He's pretty sure he gets it right, because Ji Yong rolls his eyes in a slightly different way and flops back down. "About time."

"I'm sorry, okay?" he growls at Ji Yong's reflection. "I'm a rapper, not a fucking ballerina."

He immediately regrets going there when he sees Ji Yong's eyes flash. "What do you think _I_ am?"

A self-centered, annoyingly talented little shit. Seung Hyun manages not to say it out loud, but Ji Yong presses on, his voice rising. "You know how old I was when I started recording? Stop with the rapper bullshit, it's not an excuse not to learn your moves."

Seung Hyun knows exactly how old he was when he released his first track, but he only shrugs. He didn't need a reminder that Ji Yong is better than him at everything they do. Ji Yong looks like he wants to keep ranting, but the door to Young Bae's bedroom opens and he pokes his head out, eyes half-closed and mohawk flattened on one side. "Guys, I'm trying to sleep."

Ji Yong turns toward him, his expression softening. "Sorry. Go back to bed, I'll be quiet."

"Can you turn the music down too?"

Seung Hyun walks over to the stereo and lowers the volume. Young Bae mutters a "thank you" and the door closes. There's a moment of silence, then Ji Yong speaks up again, quietly this time. "Let's go through it a couple more times, then we can go to bed. Okay?"

He almost sounds like he feels bad about his lack of patience. Young Bae usually has that kind of calming influence on him. "Okay," Seung Hyun replies, returning to his spot in front of the mirror. A couple more times. He can get through this.

***

Breakfast the next day is a quiet affair. Seung Hyun wakes up early, and the only people in the kitchen are Dae Sung and their manager. They're cooking. Seung Hyun briefly considers offering to help, but he usually isn't of much use in the kitchen unless all that's needed is to press a button on the rice cooker. He just edges past them and grabs a bottle of fruit juice from the fridge instead.

"Master Hwang says vegetable juice is better than fruit juice," Dae Sung says absently after glancing over his shoulder.

Seung Hyun uncaps the bottle and takes a large, defiant gulp. Their manager chuckles quietly but doesn't say anything. He never takes sides (which is a very good thing, considering the stuff he sees on a regular basis).

Seung Ri trudges into the kitchen and watches them all blearily. "... Do we have to be awake?"

"Not really," their manager replies, sounding amused. "Just be ready to leave at two o' clock."

He checks the nearest clock and stares at it for a while, then turns around and heads back to his room wordlessly. Seung Hyun's pretty sure he just realized how much more sleep he can get.

They've started to eat by the time Young Bae walks in. "Good morning," he says as he plops down at the table. Seung Hyun mumbles back a greeting through a mouthful of rice and then they're all silent again until most of the food is gone. Some mornings are like that - especially if they don't have any performances to get worked up about. Seung Hyun doesn't mind. They've been living together too long for small talk.

"So what were you fighting about?" Young Bae suddenly asks after a sip of green tea.

Seung Hyun shrugs. "Just... stupid stuff. Doesn't matter. Where is he, anyway?"

"He just fell asleep. Keep it down until one-thirty, okay?" he says with a glance at Dae Sung, who nods in reply.

Seung Hyun nods too, frowning as he tries to figure out whether the pang of vague worry he's feeling is enough to overpower his urge to smack Ji Yong.

***

They come home from their interview around dinnertime, and their manager hits the kitchen again. Seung Hyun feels like he could eat his own weight in meat and rice, but he probably has more rabbit food to look forward to. One of these days he's going to break down and buy the creamiest, richest dressing he can find to compensate for all the damn salads people insist on cramming down his throat.

Seung Ri volunteers to help their manager out, this time, and the rest of them stay in the living room while they wait for the food. It takes about three minutes before Ji Yong falls asleep in an awkward position, looking like death warmed over. He doesn't wake up when Seung Ri announces that the food is ready. Seung Hyun reaches over, intending to give him a shake, but Young Bae grabs his arm. "Don't wake him up. He can eat later."

They eat, and then he and Young Bae wash the dishes together, giving Seung Ri and Dae Sung a break. They do more than their share of chores, and washing dishes is the kind of mindless, repetitive task Seung Hyun doesn't really mind doing, anyway. They all congregate to the living room afterwards, and he's kind of surprised to see their manager still there, sitting on the couch next to Ji Yong with the TV remote in his hand.

Seung Hyun can't think of a reason why the poor guy would want to hang out with Big Bang more than he already does, but, well, it's not like their new apartment doesn't have enough sitting room to accommodate him. They watch the news for a while (with the volume low enough not to wake Ji Yong), and Seung Hyun is considering going to his room to do something more interesting when their manager looks over at him. "Are you ready to go?"

Seung Hyun blinks, feeling like he missed something. They can't be going anywhere at this hour - Seung Ri's already in pajamas and Ji Yong's still passed out. "What? Where?"

"The studios," he replies like it's obvious, then turns and shakes Ji Yong's shoulder. "Ji Yong, wake up. It's almost ten."

Ji Yong sits up slowly, rubbing his eyes, then squints at Seung Hyun. "You ready?"

He definitely missed something. "I thought we were practicing here," he says, gesturing to the mirrored wall at the other end of the room.

"I don't wanna keep YB up again," Ji Yong says, then stands up and stretches out slowly. The subject obviously isn't up for discussion, which grates on Seung Hyun's nerves for several reasons. The mirror and the nice wooden floor are _right there_ , for one, and it would've been great if someone had at least informed him of the change of plans. Expecting Ji Yong to be considerate, though, is probably too much. Especially when he's in one of his tortured artist phases.

"Fine, whatever," he mutters as he gets up, abandoning his warm, comfortable spot on the couch to find his shoes and bag.

***

Ji Yong turns out to be less irritating when he's sleepy. The lesson went as well as it could have (the lack of a couch for him to sprawl on and grumble directions from probably helped), and Seung Hyun's now sitting in the van, entertaining himself by watching Ji Yong's head loll around as he nods off and wakes up and nods off again.

He feels kind of bad that Ji Yong still hasn't eaten because of him, though. He can hear his stomach rumble when the van stops at red lights. And it's not like _he_ needs to lose any weight.

His conscience keeps bothering him until he grabs his bag and retrieves a slightly-squished candy bar from it. He probably wasn't going to eat it, anyway. Master Hwang would be proud of him. "Want it?" he asks, and Ji Yong's eyes light up when he sees what he's holding.

He _inhales_ the candy bar, and apparently that was enough to put Seung Hyun back in his good graces, because he unbuckles his seatbelt and scoots closer to lean against him. Maybe he's just that tired, though. He's never been too discriminating when he wants a warm pillow.

He takes out his cellphone to check his messages, keeping his head on his shoulder, and Seung Hyun's at a perfect angle to see the small screen. He starts reading without even thinking about it. Young Bae says he'll heat up some leftovers for Ji Yong when he comes back, and Hyun Suk changed the hour of a meeting. Nothing too interesting. Ji Yong seems to agree, because he doesn't bother replying to either of them before putting his phone away and snuggling closer. He's asleep about thirty seconds later.

***

Practicing with Ji Yong unfortunately doesn't spare him the normal lessons with Jae Wook and the rest of the group. As annoying as it is to admit it to himself, though, the extra hours of practice helped. Repeating the moves over and over again pretty much burned them into his mind, and now it's easier to stop thinking and just do them. Kind of like washing dishes.

Jae Wook looks impressed by the time they stop. "You're doing a lot better," he tells him, then looks at Ji Yong. "Keep it up, okay?"

There's no trace of irritation on his face as he nods, this time, but Seung Hyun is pretty sure he hasn't started to enjoy teaching him or anything. They have a performance to film in two days, and he's such a perfectionist that he'll probably beat himself up forever if Seung Hyun is out of sync.

"I think I'm gonna stay and go through it a few more times," he hears himself say, then blinks at himself in the mirror, wondering when he started caring about Ji Yong's angst levels.

Jae Wook blinks at him, too. "... Okay. Well, 2NE1 will be here in an hour, but you can stay until then."

Seung Hyun nods and walks over to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. He hears the rest of Big Bang talking for a moment behind him, then Seung Ri speaks up. "We're gonna go get lunch. Do you want anything?"

"Nah, I'm fine," he replies once he's done gulping down half the water, turning around again. Ji Yong rattles off a ridiculously complicated request for coffee that involves soy milk and cinnamon and no whipped cream, and Seung Hyun's confused until he realizes what that implied. "Hey, you don't have to stay here."

Ji Yong simply shrugs and sits down on the closest bench.

***

After five minutes of dancing under Ji Yong's scrutiny, he suddenly lunges for his bag and retrieves a pen and a notebook from it. He's obviously having a brainwave, so Seung Hyun keeps it up on his own, figuring Ji Yong will start keeping an eye on him again once he's written down whatever popped into his mind.

That doesn't happen. Twenty minutes later, Ji Yong still has his nose in his notebook, scribbling furiously and mouthing things to himself. Seung Hyun started losing his patience about eighteen minutes ago, but he reaches his breaking point when Ji Yong finally raises his head to ask which English words rhyme with "style".

"I don't _know_ ," he pants out, glaring at him through the mirror. "Are you watching me or what?"

Ji Yong clicks his tongue. "Take a break."

Seung Hyun is too sweaty and out of breath to refuse on principle. He sits down a few feet away from him on the bench, the gears in his mind turning of their own accord. English isn't really his thing, but... "Wild."

Ji Yong glances over, then looks down at his notebook again before breaking into a grin. "Yeah! Thanks."

He snorts and shakes his head, but finds himself smiling too. Finding just the right rhyme is always satisfying. He watches Ji Yong scribble for a few more moments before giving up on acting pissy and moving closer. "Can I see?"

He nods and tilts the notebook his way. The verse is pretty good - it's just Ji Yong's typical insolence and equally typical mix of Korean and English, but he always finds ways to keep it interesting. "Is there a hook that goes with it?"

Ji Yong nods again, flips a few pages, then starts singing the hook in question. There are a few gaps in the lyrics and he has to "nanana" his way through them, but somehow it still sounds like something Hyun Suk will like. Not that he ever dislikes anything Ji Yong does.

Seung Hyun's about to start trying to fill in the missing lines when he notices another verse on the bottom half of the page. It's so obscene it would never make its way past the censors, and he can't help but laugh at some of the creative imagery Ji Yong came up with. "Who's that one about?" he asks, pointing.

Ji Yong blinks, then gives him a look and flips to the next page. "None of your business."

"C'mon. I used to write that kind of stuff for my girlfriend."

"... Really?"

"Yeah," Seung Hyun says, even though he knows what's coming.

"I wanna hear."

He remembers most of the tacky verses he wrote, sadly enough, and by the time he stops rapping, Ji Yong has slid off the bench, still laughing weakly as he wipes his eyes. Seung Hyun's laughing too, despite himself. There's no defending most of that stuff - he's gotten a lot better since he started training with YG.

"Did she _like_ that?"

"Well, yeah," he replies, then actually thinks about it for a second. "... She _said_ she did."

That makes Ji Yong snicker quietly again. "I wrote a really shitty one last month..." he says as he picks up his notebook and starts flipping through it.

They end up sitting there making up the worst raps they can think of and laughing like idiots, and Seung Hyun only notices how much time has passed when CL walks in and looks at them like they've both lost their minds.

***

"You really don't like dancing, huh?" Ji Yong says, looking up at him. Seung Hyun realizes he's been sitting there mentally going through every single mistake he made that night, which is probably showing on his face. The lesson was especially bad - he's hungry and tired and he managed to trip over his own feet while trying out a new move, which got him so pissed off that he did it three more times. One of his wrists is still sore. He isn't any better at landing than he is at dancing, apparently.

"No. It fucking sucks," he mutters, then takes a deep breath and tries to think about something else. It's over, at least until they head to KBS tomorrow afternoon. They'll be home in a little while, and then he can eat a fucking carrot or something and go to bed.

"Do you wish Hyun Suk hadn't recruited you?"

The question surprises him. All he can think about, though, is the rush of happiness and pride he felt when Hyun Suk took him in, and the indescribable feeling in the pit of his stomach every time he steps on stage. He doesn't regret anything. "No," he replies, wishing he could thank Ji Yong for putting things into perspective so concisely. He's pretty sure it'd sound weird if he did. "It's just... hard."

"Yeah. I wish we could go out more often." Ji Yong lifts his head briefly to look out the window of the van. "Y'know, like normal people."

"Where would you go?"

It takes a minute for him to decide. "... Itaewon."

Somehow, Seung Hyun doesn't think it's for the prostitutes or the foreign cuisine. He's never heard him actually _say_ that he's gay, but he's seen enough over the years to know Ji Yong won't get offended by the assumption, even if he turns out to be wrong. "You wanna go to a gay bar?"

"Yeah. I've never been to one."

"Me neither," Seung Hyun says, grinning, and that earns him a snort and an elbow in the ribs. "What?"

Ji Yong doesn't bother saying anything. Seung Hyun's obviously got him thinking, though, because he speaks up again a few minutes later. "You ever done anything with a guy?"

"Nah," Seung Hyun replies. "You?" He grins again at the look Ji Yong shoots him. "What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"I dunno, kissing a guy. Whatever."

This time it's Ji Yong's turn to grin, and Seung Hyun sees the question coming from miles away. "Wanna try?"

If he's expecting to shock him with that suggestion, he missed his mark. Gay people stopped being something to point and giggle at when Seung Hyun grew up and realized he was surrounded by and partly depending on them for his hair, clothes, make-up, and probably his _contract_ as well. "Sure."

It's amusing to watch Ji Yong deflate and blink up at him in confusion. He enjoys causing reactions a little too much for his own good, and most people play right into his hands. When Seung Hyun leans down, though, he recovers quickly and kisses him with no hesitation. Seung Hyun is fully expecting him to be as obnoxious and grabby and _look how gay I am_ as possible, but he gets only a hand on his cheek and the barest brush of Ji Yong's tongue against his own before he pulls away.

"It's all right, I guess," Seung Hyun says. Ji Yong's a better kisser than most of his past girlfriends, but saying that out loud would probably feed that monstrous ego of his.

Ji Yong tsks and leans against him again.

***

The performance goes better than Seung Hyun expected. They watch the footage afterwards, and even he has to admit that he's moving better than he did a week ago. Of course, he still can't help the look of mingled irritation and concentration that appears on his face whenever he dances, but at least he's getting all the moves right this time. It earns him a pat on the back and a "good job" from Seung Ri and satisfied nod from Ji Yong.

He's pretty happy with his performance, but he's even happier to be done with the extra practice. That deserves to be celebrated, he decides on their way back home, and a few beers is exactly what he needs. He hasn't gone drinking in too long.

As soon as they get to the apartment, he heads straight for the bathroom and scrubs the stage makeup off his face, then stops by his room to change into a more comfortable pair of sneakers. Ji Yong slinks in while he's still bent over, tying the laces.

"You did a really good job," he says as he sits down on his bed.

Seung Hyun straightens up and looks at him. His face looks freshly-scrubbed, too. "Thanks." He grabs the largest sunglasses he owns and puts them on. They're probably not necessary at this hour, but he doesn't want to risk a fangirl stampede when he's trying to get drunk in peace.

"You're going somewhere?" Ji Yong asks, frowning.

"Yeah, I'm going out for a beer." He grabs his iPod, ignoring the waves of silent disapproval emanating from Ji Yong. Unfortunately, he speaks up just as Seung Hyun is about to escape.

"We have a radio show in the morning and Inkigayo right after that, you know."

He closes his eyes briefly, then lets go of the door knob and turns around to face Ji Yong again. "So?"

"So I don't want you to go out and get drunk."

"You're not my boss."

Ji Yong's suddenly on his feet, looking furious. "I _am_ your boss. You're not going out tonight."

"What the hell crawled up your ass? I'm going out. Leave me alone." He turns and opens the door.

"Want me to call Hyun Suk?"

Seung Hyun snorts, because Ji Yong can't seriously be threatening to run off to Hyun Suk over something this stupid. "Sure, whatever. See you," he says over his shoulder before heading out of the apartment.

***

He comes home so late it's early, just to make a point. He ended up texting some of his old friends, and a couple of them showed up despite the very short notice. It occurred to him, once he was drunk enough, that Ji Yong didn't come to his room _just_ to congratulate him on his performance again, but he was still too annoyed to care.

Once his alarm clock goes off after what feels like a few minutes of sleep, though, the throbbing pain behind his eyes is almost enough to make him regret going out. He's sure whatever Ji Yong had in mind would have led to a much less painful day. Part of him thinks he wanted to make a move on him, but he's pretty sure that little fight was enough to wipe any weird ideas Ji Yong had gotten into his mind from kissing him two days ago.

He can't show how bad he feels, of course, so he grits his teeth and bears it and pretends he's actually interested in breakfast. Ji Yong keeps shooting him dirty looks across the table. Seung Hyun's sure he'll tear into him if he complains about the hangover.

He spends the day hiding behind his sunglasses and at least manages to pop a few painkillers when no one's looking. Ji Yong doesn't say a word to him, even when his dancing once again turns out to be pretty good despite the pounding headache. It's probably for the best, though, and Seung Hyun carefully stays out of his way until they're finally home again, then crawls into bed and falls asleep almost instantly.

***

Seung Hyun's heard about Hyun Suk's legendary talking-tos, and he got a taste of them while filming Big Bang's debut documentary, but he's never been truly subjected to one before. He's never had problems with him - he just turns on the charisma and the jokes and the smoky eyes, and they get along well.

But when Hyun Suk walks in during a photoshoot, jaw set and obviously in a bad mood, he's suddenly sure his lucky streak has just run out. At least he waits until his shoot is over before pulling him aside. "You know what I'm going to say, don't you?" he says quietly.

Seung Hyun can't even meet his eyes. His stomach is squirming. "Yeah."

Hyun Suk goes on in that quiet, steady voice, explaining how disappointed he is that Seung Hyun was a bad example to the other members, disrespectful to Ji Yong, and cared so little about his job that he'd decided to go drinking the night before a performance.

Seung Hyun feels fucking _tiny_ when he finally allows him to leave and lick his wounds. Ten minutes of someone he idolized throughout his entire childhood criticizing his behavior felt much worse than he'd expected, and now he understands why Young Bae was reduced to tears a few times during their training. Hyun Suk didn't even mention how hard he'd been working on his dancing.

He curls up with his iPod while he waits for the others to finish their shoots, lining up a few nice, upbeat songs in an effort _not_ to feel like shit. He gets through half a song before Ji Yong walks over and sits next to him.

"Didn't think he'd be that harsh."

Seung Hyun pulls one earbud off. He's almost glad Ji Yong came over - now he remembers why Hyun Suk talked to him in the first place, and he'd rather be furious than feel like shit. "That was fucking low. You didn't need to do that."

He shrugs. "You ran off. I was pissed."

Seung Hyun wants to punch him in the face. He puts his earbud back in, instead, and cranks up the volume, turning away from him.

***

Seung Hyun lies back comfortably, his laptop next to him on his bed, and presses play after making sure his earphones are plugged in. He'd never considered jerking off a rare privilege until he moved in with four teenaged boys and his life suddenly became a swirl of promotion and concerts and rehearsals and interviews and _far_ too little alone time. It's been at least a week and he's getting hard just thinking about it.

The movie is something he downloaded more or less at random - it's Japanese and not the best quality ever, but the girl's pretty, which is all he really cares about. He strokes himself slowly as he watches, determined to take his sweet time, but freezes when he hears the door to his bedroom open.

He somehow manages to flip the covers over himself and pause the movie at the same time - not that it helps, since the frame he stops on is a close-up on the guy's dick that makes it quite clear what he was watching. He looks at Ji Yong, who's now standing in the doorway, and refuses to feel embarrassed. " _What_?"

At least it doesn't seem like he's about to laugh, but Seung Hyun isn't sure he likes the way he's looking at him. "It's ten."

Seung Hyun blinks and looks at the time on his laptop. It _is_ ten, but... "Are we still doing that?"

"Jae Wook didn't tell you to stop. You don't think you need it?"

He really wants to say he doesn't, but he's not in the mood to defend such a hopeless position when he could be jerking off instead. "Well, gimme ten minutes," he mutters.

Ji Yong keeps watching him silently for a moment, and Seung Hyun is on the verge of telling him to fuck off when he finally speaks again. "Yeah, fine." He leaves, closing the door behind him, and Seung Hyun tries to relax. It's not like it's a big deal - they all jerk off. He's walked in on Young Bae before, and Dae Sung always takes ridiculously long showers.

He starts the movie again and slides his hand under the covers, watching the girl intently and trying to forget Ji Yong exists. He's just getting into it again when his cellphone rings. He curses quietly and turns to grab it.

_I wanna suck you off._

He reads the message three, four times, until he's sure he's not seeing things. All he manages to write back is "do it, then", and the door opens again in a matter of seconds. Ji Yong yanks the covers off him impatiently and then he's curled up on Seung Hyun's bed with his dick in his mouth. He wasn't kidding, apparently, and he's fucking good at it - his lips and tongue are _everywhere_ and he's easily figuring out what Seung Hyun likes, and the fact that he's a guy and a back-stabbing drama queen doesn't seem to matter much anymore.

He barely notices when Ji Yong stretches one arm out and gives his earphones a firm tug, but then the girl's high-pitched, exaggerated moans and the sound of skin slapping against skin resound through the entire room, and Seung Hyun sits up, scrambling to pause the movie again. Ji Yong stops him and cranes his neck until he can see the screen, one hand stroking Seung Hyun's cock lazily.

"... That's really corny," he announces before leaning down again. In any other situation, Seung Hyun would have defended his taste in porn, but all he can manage is a quiet moan. He doesn't give a shit what Ji Yong thinks about the movie. He's not even looking at the screen anymore, because he's just discovered that watching his own cock slide in and out of Ji Yong's mouth is better than anything he's ever downloaded.

He doesn't bother warning Ji Yong before he comes. It's a childish attempt to get under his skin, and it fails spectacularly - there's no mistaking the low hum of contentment as he swallows his come. Seung Hyun probably should've known better.

Ji Yong leans his head on his hip once he's decided he's done licking him clean, and then Seung Hyun hears the sound of his jeans being unzipped and decides he's done watching him for a while. He stops the movie, then looks up at the ceiling and does his best to pretend Ji Yong isn't jerking off. At least it doesn't take long - after a couple of minutes, Ji Yong lets out a breathless moan and _bites_ him. He jumps a little, despite himself, but chooses not to give in to his urge to smack Ji Yong's head away. It's probably better to pretend that just didn't happen.

... Although he doesn't see where Ji Yong could have come except on his sheets, and if that's the case, they're gonna have to talk about who'll be doing Seung Hyun's laundry.

"You should get ready for practice," Ji Yong says, sitting up.

"You're seriously gonna call the manager at this hour?" he asks.

"We can do it in the living room."

He watches silently as Ji Yong gets off the bed and zips up his jeans. "... I thought you didn't want to keep Young Bae up."

That gets him a sharp look. "We won't keep him up if you don't piss me off."

He turns around and leaves without waiting for a reply. Seung Hyun stares at the door blankly for a moment, wondering how the hell he's supposed to act around Ji Yong now.

***

Ji Yong keeps acting frosty over the next several days, only talking to him when he has to or when they're practicing together. Seung Hyun finds himself not really giving a shit, because it's gotten really hard to take him seriously when he keeps picturing him with his dick in his mouth. He's resigned himself to having a glaring, disapproving shadow, and the fact that Ji Yong wants him makes his attitude much easier to tolerate, somehow.

It's only after a week that Ji Yong does something that could possibly be interpreted as a vague attempt to make up with him. His sheets (which he'd tossed into Ji Yong's hamper) finally turn up in his room, clean and folded. He's kind of curious to see whether Ji Yong will say anything about it when they all sit down in the kitchen for dinner, but all he gets is the same mild glare he's been getting for the past week.

Jinu's on duty today (he must've been bored or something) and he's the one who took care of dinner - that means, of course, junk food for himself and Ji Yong, and something nice and healthy for everyone else.

Seung Hyun isn't... annoyed, exactly, but he stabs at his carrots with a bit more force than necessary after watching Ji Yong, who's sitting across from him, cram a handful of greasy, delicious-looking French fries into his mouth. Ji Yong apparently notices, because he heaves a dramatic sigh and slaps his hamburger down in front of him.

Seung Hyun looks down at it. There's only one bite taken out of it, and it sure as hell beats what's on his plate. "... Thanks."

He shrugs. "I'm keeping the fries."

***

Ji Yong uses seating arrangements for psychological warfare. Seung Hyun can easily tell how pissy he's feeling just by how close to him he sits in the van. Some rides he spends glued to Seung Hyun's side, and others he spends sitting as far away as he possibly can, staring out the window with his headphones on.

Today he's sitting at the other end of the van. No headphones, though. Mildly pissy. Seung Hyun, as usual, has no idea what it is he did to annoy him. There was that whole drinking-before-performances thing, but it happened almost two weeks ago, and he's starting to think Ji Yong is just trying to provoke him into losing his patience or fighting with him or... _something_. He thrives on drama, and his lack of reaction must be frustrating. Or maybe he was expecting to get something in exchange for the clean sheets and the hamburger. Who the hell knows.

Seung Hyun watches him nod off and bonk his head against the window three times before deciding to be the bigger man. "Dude, come here."

Ji Yong starts and blinks a couple of times before unbuckling his seatbelt and scooting over. Seung Hyun drapes an arm over him and, after briefly considering letting him sleep, decides to take a stab in the dark instead. He leans over and kisses him, and Ji Yong reacts instantly, clutching his shoulder as he deepens the kiss. He's still damn good at it, and Seung Hyun allows himself to enjoy it for a few moments before pulling away.

"Have you been pouting for two weeks just 'cause you didn't want to admit you like me or something?" he asks.

Ji Yong eyes him warily, then shrugs. "You're straight."

"... You've been pouting for two weeks because I'm _straight_?" Seung Hyun repeats, and then he has to laugh at how fucking absurd that is. "What if I'm bisexual?"

He glares at him before pulling him into another kiss. Seung Hyun kisses him back, experimentally running a hand down his side. The lack of curves is kind of weird, but he's quickly coming to the conclusion that he doesn't mind. Ji Yong takes the touch as an invitation to take things further, and suddenly he's straddling Seung Hyun, his teeth nibbling at his lower lip and his fingers tangled in his hair.

"Ji Yong, sit down."

They break apart at the firm request, and Seung Hyun meets their manager's eyes in the rearview mirror before looking away, not sure whether he's amused or embarrassed. Ji Yong plops down next to him again, breathing hard. There's a moment of awkward silence and then he takes out his cellphone, his breaths evening out as he starts reading his messages and replying to them, fingers flying over the keypad.

Seung Hyun can't help but peek again. Boss finally learned his first trick, one of Ji Yong's stylist friends broke up with his boyfriend, Hyun Suk bought a pair of very expensive sneakers, and Ji Yong is apparently craving Starbucks coffee.

He leans forward without thinking. "Can we go to Starbucks?" he asks their manager, even though they're only a few blocks away from the apartment.

"... Yeah, sure." That little pause spoke volumes, but it sounds like they haven't exhausted his patience yet.

Seung Hyun sits back, satisfied, and Ji Yong settles against his shoulder again. His cellphone starts vibrating in his pocket a minute later, and he almost laughs when he flips it open and sees the message: "Stop reading over my shoulder, asshole."

He makes an effort not to let the amusement show on his face as he sends a quick "no" back to Ji Yong, then slides his phone back into his pocket.

***

Seung Hyun isn't sure how two idols of the same gender could ever really _date_ , but he and Ji Yong are getting as close to it as they can, it seems. He's letting Ji Yong lead because, well, that's the one sure-fire way of not causing him to have a shit-fit, and it's not like Seung Hyun's got too much experience with being in relationships with men, anyway.

It's been all right, so far. Ji Yong's been nice and quiet for a few days. He'll take his hand, sometimes, and lean against him more often than he used to, but Seung Hyun's already used to that. What he's not used to is drifting out of sleep and finding Ji Yong in bed next to him, scribbling in his notebook or listening to music with his eyes wide open. That kind of freaked him out the first night it happened, but now he usually just flings an arm over him, pulls him close and goes right back to sleep. It's probably what Ji Yong wants, because he hasn't been complaining.

The rest of Big Bang noticed. They haven't reacted much, except for Seung Ri, who took advantage of being alone with him in the kitchen one evening to ask him how they'd gotten together. Seung Hyun had no idea how to answer that question. He still doesn't. Seung Ri also asked why he'd turned gay, though, which was easier to deal with. Ji Yong would have been proud of his eye-roll.

Their manager commented on it exactly once - "don't get caught" was all he said, and it wasn't really necessary. They've been careful, even around most of the staff. Seung Hyun is hoping the news won't make its way to Hyun Suk through the grapevine. He isn't sure how he'd react, but he doesn't want to find out. It looks like he and Ji Yong have finally reached some kind of delicate balance, and after so much stupid drama, he'd like to enjoy a few days of peace with him before something upsets it.

He isn't too optimistic, though, considering their track record.

***

Ji Yong shakes him awake one morning, smelling of soap and shampoo and freshly-laundered clothes, and drops a light kiss on his lips when he opens his eyes. "Get up."

Seung Hyun has to think for a moment before he remembers about the meeting they have today. He sighs and gets out of bed, managing to dredge up a smile for Ji Yong before heading directly to the bathroom. He takes a quick shower (bathroom time is at a premium in the morning), shaves, brushes his teeth and ducks back to his room to get dressed. Ji Yong isn't there anymore, but he finds him in the kitchen, sitting on the the edge of the table and sipping from a glass of juice.

They're alone in there, which makes him realize that Ji Yong woke up early. Or woke _him_ up early, anyway - it's anyone's guess whether Ji Yong slept at all. He's glad to have a few extra minutes to relax before they get going, though.

Ji Yong holds out his glass wordlessly and Seung Hyun steps closer to him to take a sip. He only remembers that he's just brushed his teeth once the juice is already in his mouth, and he makes a face as he swallows, handing the glass back.

"What's wrong?"

"Toothpaste," he says simply, and Ji Yong grimaces in sympathy. He hears the bathroom door close behind him a second later. Can't be that early, then. "Is that your breakfast?"

Ji Yong shrugs. "I'll eat after the meeting." He finishes the juice and puts the glass down before reaching for him, his hands sliding up his chest and to his shoulders to pull him closer. "Want me to make something?"

Seung Hyun shakes his head, then leans down and presses his lips against Ji Yong's. They've been doing a whole lot of kissing over the past week or so, and he doesn't think he'll get tired of the way Ji Yong _melts_ into it anytime soon. It's a nice change from his usual attitude, aside from being pretty damn hot.

They're still at it a few minutes later, and Seung Hyun decides to revisit a few of his favorite spots on Ji Yong's neck - the ones that make his breath hitch and his fingers clench in Seung Hyun's hair. He's latched onto a good spot near his collarbone when Ji Yong starts pushing on his shoulder lightly. "Stop..."

"No," Seung Hyun says, then nuzzles his way up and nips at his earlobe instead.

"We don't have time."

He presses his palm against Ji Yong's erection, smiling to himself when he hears his sharp intake of breath. "We could skip the meeting," he suggests, and, much like the earlier toothpaste/juice incident, he only realizes how unwise the suggestion was once it's already out of his mouth.

Ji Yong raises his head, _glares_ , and it's obviously too late to take the words back. "Are you fucking serious?" He pulls his hand away with a lot more force than necessary.

"I was just--"

"Do you care about Big Bang? Like, at _all_?" he says angrily, and it's so out of proportion to what Seung Hyun said that he doesn't even know how to defend himself.

"I just... Dude, you _know_ I care. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ji Yong just rolls his eyes, slides off the table, and shoves him out of the way before storming out of the kitchen. Young Bae walks in at the same moment and watches Ji Yong stalk past him confusedly, then looks at Seung Hyun. "... Fighting again?"

"How the hell do you deal with him?" Seung Hyun asks, exasperated.

He shrugs one shoulder and heads over to the fridge. "I'm not dating him," he says as he rummages through its contents. "I'd never date him. Even if I liked guys."

Seung Hyun is pretty sure that's the most sensible advice he's heard in a long time.

***

They're at a stand-still again. Seung Hyun thinks he's got him figured out, though. He wants to be pursued, he wants Seung Hyun to make a big deal of his little tantrums and crawl at his feet and beg for forgiveness every time he shows his displeasure.

Most people indulge him. Seung Hyun won't. That means several more days of ignoring Ji Yong's eyes trying to bore holes into his skull. He's pretty sure he's got a good handle on the cycle - Ji Yong's willpower will falter at some point, and they'll have fantastic sex. Simmering anger seems to be Ji Yong's biggest turn-on, at least as far as their relationship is concerned. Seung Hyun isn't really sure what that's all about, but dwelling on the workings of his mind doesn't seem like a constructive thing to do.

His latest attempt at getting a reaction out of Seung Hyun is apparently to go out with his friends the night before a performance, because he's been making a production out of getting ready. Seung Hyun watches him walk back and forth between the bathroom and his bedroom about a million times before he finally deems himself ready, and from the way he's dressed, he must be going out with his posse of pretentious, too-thin fashionistas. Probably to complain about his stupid, not-really-gay boyfriend over cups of expensive coffee or something.

He shoots him a little look as he walks past him on his way to the door, and Seung Hyun can't resist saying something. He generally considers himself a mature, cool-headed person, but once in a while, Ji Yong will manage to drag him right down to his level. He can't help it - he wants to prod him a little and see how bad the resulting blow-up will be. "I thought we were performing tomorrow."

Ji Yong stops and turns to face him. "We are."

"Just checking. Nice double standards."

" _I'm_ not dumb enough to drink myself sick," he says in a very dignified tone of voice, then turns again and leaves, closing the door firmly behind himself.

***

He wakes up to a deep, insistent kiss that tastes of alcohol and cigarette smoke. His instincts kick in and he's got his arms around Ji Yong before he's even fully awake, and then it's too late to stop or say anything, so he doesn't. He's just starting to really enjoy himself when Ji Yong pulls away and tosses something onto his chest, then there's a series of thumping noises that sound a lot like shoes hitting the floor.

Seung Hyun raises himself up on one elbow and reaches over to turn on the small light next to his bed. His brain barely has time to register the two objects on top of the covers - a condom and a small packet of lube - before Ji Yong is on top of him again, now naked and apparently drunk enough not to care where his knees and elbows land. "You know what to do, right?" he mumbles against his lips before kissing him again, and Seung Hyun mmhms into it since that's pretty much all he can do.

And he really does know, thanks to one particular evening with a past girlfriend during which they got tipsy and giggly and more adventurous than usual. He's pretty sure doing it to a guy won't be any different.

Ji Yong keeps kissing him clumsily as he yanks the covers off him, but then he pulls away, cursing under his breath, to retrieve the condom and lube. He shoves them at Seung Hyun, scoots down again, and then his pants and underwear are gone and Ji Yong's mouth is on him, licking and sucking and teasing him until he barely remembers what he's supposed to be doing.

"I can't reach you like that," he finally manages to say. Ji Yong looks up, then grabs his arm and pulls insistently until Seung Hyun sits up. A second later Ji Yong's on all fours with his ass pretty much in his face. Seung Hyun fumbles with the packet of lubricant, and when he manages to tear it open, it gets everywhere except where it's supposed to. He curses to himself and manages to relocate most of it to Ji Yong's ass, quickly working a couple of fingers into him.

The lack of reaction probably means Ji Yong's ready for the main event. His hand is covered in lubricant, now, and he fumbles with the condom wrapper for so long that Ji Yong looks over his shoulder, clicks his tongue loudly and turns around, snatching it from him. He rolls the condom onto Seung Hyun's cock, spreads the rest of the lube onto it, then flings both wrappers off the bed and gets back on all fours.

Seung Hyun can't help but groan softly when he finally pushes the tip of his cock into him. As good as he is at blowjobs, this is--

"Fuck," Ji Yong hisses, and Seung Hyun notices for the first time his white-knuckled grip on the sheets.

He pauses, a thought creeping into his mind. "... You ever done it before?"

"No," Ji Yong replies shakily, laughter in his voice, and lowers himself onto his elbows, burying his head in his arms. " _Fuck._ "

"You're such an idiot." He puts his hand flat on his back and pushes deeper into him, unable to hold back a smile at the string of curses that comes out of his mouth and the way his spine curls under his palm. He doesn't tell him to stop - he's much too proud for that - but Seung Hyun gives him a minute before starting to thrust.

Ji Yong cries out, his voice high and breathless and uncharacteristically out of control, and Seung Hyun stops again, biting his lip with the effort. He caresses Ji Yong's back slowly, then reaches around and wraps his hand around his cock. He knows exactly how fast Ji Yong likes it and how tight to make his grip, and before he knows Ji Yong is pushing back against him and he's moving his hips again, long, slow strokes that make him moan into his pillow.

Seung Hyun lets him control the pace, lets him speed up and slow down and speed up again until the pleasure is almost too much and all he wants to do is to slam into him until he comes. He's about to do just that when Ji Yong distracts him by wrapping one hand around his, forcing him to stroke faster and faster, and he gets so loud Seung Hyun's sure the others can hear.

He can tell when Ji Yong comes by the way he suddenly tenses up, then relaxes, loosening his grip on his hand. He lets go too, stopping for a moment to readjust their position. Ji Yong glances back at him, then buries his head in his arms again and _grinds_ himself against his dick slowly, his moans low and satisfied now. That's too fucking much - Seung Hyun grabs him by the hips and stops trying to hold back. He doesn't last long, even with the condom, and the orgasm is so damn good it takes a while before he feels up to moving again.

Ji Yong flops down on his stomach as soon as he pulls out of him, letting out a long sigh that's complete contentment rather than irritation, for once. Seung Hyun tosses the condom into his wastebasket before stretching himself out on top of him, nuzzling the crook of his neck and running his hand over the inked words on his shoulder. "You're fucking beautiful," he says quietly, his brain still sluggish, and slides his hand down Ji Yong's arm to intertwine their fingers.

Ji Yong gives them a squeeze, but then pulls his hand away gently. Seung Hyun slides his own back up and starts rubbing his shoulder again, but Ji Yong tenses up under him as the minutes tick by, the silence becoming more and more uncomfortable. Seung Hyun raises his head just enough to see the slight frown on his face and suddenly feels like an idiot for saying something this corny. He's said worse things in the throes of passion before, but none of his girlfriends treated him the way Ji Yong does.

He's not surprised when Ji Yong finally squirms out from under him, picks up most of his clothes and pads out of the room wordlessly. He remembered he's supposed to be miffed, and whatever affection he has for Seung Hyun obviously isn't enough to override his pride.

Seung Hyun sighs and rolls over, disappointed despite himself. Aside from the sex, one of the aspects of dating Ji Yong that's actually enjoyable is having him constantly plastered to his side, seeking body warmth or a hand to play with or a shoulder to sleep on. Seung Hyun likes physical contact, and Ji Yong fulfills that need nicely (when he feels like it). He just wishes he'd stop making things so damn complicated.

He rolls over again. He knows it's going to bother him all night now that he's really let himself think about it. He scrubs a hand over his face and, as a last-ditch effort, grabs his cellphone to try and speak Ji Yong's language. He sends a short message - "I'm really fucking sick of fighting with you." - and leaves his phone next to his pillow before trying to go back to sleep.

***

Sunlight is filtering in through the window when his phone wakes him up. "I can't sleep," Ji Yong wrote, managing to ignore his message completely. Seung Hyun considers his options for a long time before finally giving in and telling Ji Yong to come back to his room.

He looks strangely subdued when he comes in, his hair tousled and his eyes bloodshot. He gets under the covers without saying a word and Seung Hyun decides to be generous and pull him close rather than smack him upside the head, which is more or less what he deserves. He looks like he's about to offer some kind of apology, and that would be an all-time first. Seung Hyun doesn't want to interrupt.

It takes several minutes of stroking Ji Yong's back before he speaks up, and it's not what Seung Hyun was expecting. "I think we should break up."

So much for the apology. "... We'll talk about it later," Seung Hyun says. He's not going to humor Ji Yong when he's halfway between still-drunk and hungover - not to mention so tired he's shaking.

"Okay," Ji Yong replies quietly. "D'you want me to go away?"

He sighs. "No. Get some sleep."

Ji Yong nods and closes his eyes, but it's somehow obvious that his brain is still going a mile a minute. "... I wrote a song," he says after a moment, keeping his eyes closed.

Seung Hyun knows, from his own experience with writing in less-than-ideal states of mind, that whatever he came up with is probably going to be either excellent or completely stupid. And thinking about that reminds him of something. "Hey, you never told me who that rap was about."

"What rap?"

"That really nasty one in your notebook." Something else hits him, and he feels like an idiot. "It's not about a girl, is it?"

Ji Yong snorts.

"... Is it about me?"

"Young Bae," he corrects, then opens his eyes halfway, a smile spreading onto his face. "Are you jealous?"

Seung Hyun is amazed that he's still finding the energy to try and needle him in the state he's in. It's gonna take a lot more than that, though. He couldn't care less whom Ji Yong thinks about when he jerks off. "Yeah, totally. Get some sleep, stupid."

He closes his eyes again, surprisingly enough, and doesn't say anything more. It takes a long time before he finally relaxes, and Seung Hyun makes sure not to wake him up as he untangles himself from him and gets out of bed, heading to the bathroom. They have a busy day ahead of them, which at least will prevent him from wondering if or when Ji Yong will bring up the idea of breaking up again.

***

Ji Yong continues to be uncharacteristically quiet throughout the day. Seung Hyun has no idea whether he's thinking about their relationship or just exhausted, but he doesn't try to find out.

Hyun Suk drops by to watch them perform, which always makes Seung Hyun a little nervous even though he doesn't have anything bad to say about him this time around. Ji Yong looks so out of it, though, that Hyun Suk presses his hand to his forehead to check for fever, then tells him to go straight to bed once they get home. Ji Yong only nods.

It's started to rain by the time they walk out of the TV studios. Their apartment is humid and chilly, and he ends up huddled in the living room with Young Bae and Seung Ri as they all wait for Dae Sung to come out of the bathroom.

Ji Yong walks out of the kitchen with a glass of water and looks at them silently for a few seconds. "... I'm going to bed." He hesitates, then leans down and kisses Seung Hyun on the lips before heading to his room.

The kiss doesn't surprise him as much as the fact that Ji Yong's actually listening to Hyun Suk. Part of him wants to try talking to him now, but he looks like hell and he'll probably have trouble sleeping again - no need to make it worse.

He can't think of a reason not to bring him a cup of hot chocolate, though. Ji Yong's most likely feeling just as gross and damp as he is, and, well, he hasn't had hot chocolate in way too long. It's probably a capital offense Master Hwang would ream him out for, but he has no intention of telling him about it.

He stands up and makes his way to the kitchen. Ten minutes later, he carries a steaming mug to Ji Yong's room, but he's already in bed and doesn't move a muscle when Seung Hyun opens the door. He closes it quietly, frowning to himself. Sleeping pills, probably. At least he'll get some rest.

"Young Bae, want some hot chocolate?" he calls out as he walks back to the kitchen. It's the only option, really. Dae Sung went straight to bed after his shower, and Seung Ri... Seung Ri can make his own damn hot chocolate, because he watched Ji Yong kiss him with a look on his face that suggested he was sitting in front of a captivating wildlife documentary. Seung Hyun doesn't get riled up about minor stuff like that, but he's not impressed, either.

Young Bae joins him in the kitchen and takes the mug from him before sitting down. "Thanks. He's asleep already?" he asks, making it clear he knows the hot chocolate wasn't meant for him.

"Yeah. Think he's gonna be okay?"

He nods, looking unconcerned. He's privy to a lot more information than Seung Hyun is, obviously, and it occurs to him that his insight into Ji Yong's mind could come in handy. They tell each other everything.

"Did he say anything about me?" Seung Hyun asks, leaning back against the counter and warming his hands around his mug. "Can't figure out what he's thinking these days."

Young Bae shrugs. "He likes you a lot."

"... You're shitting me, right."

"No. Didn't he let-- I mean-- You guys did it, right?"

"Well, _yeah_ ," Seung Hyun replies, wondering what the hell Young Bae thinks they've been doing all this time. Then he understands what he's getting at - Ji Yong wanted Seung Hyun to fuck him. He doesn't even know whether it's as significant to gay guys as it is to some girls. "Oh. I guess that's a big deal?"

Young Bae blinks at him, then looks down into his mug and shifts uncomfortably in his chair. "I dunno. Girls think it's a big deal, right?"

Seung Hyun suddenly isn't sure why he's even bothering to discuss sex with a virgin who, as far as he knows, still hasn't kissed anyone who wasn't being paid to do it. "Not all of them." He puts Young Bae out of his misery by going back to something he can actually help with. "He said he wants to break up with me."

"I know." He takes a long sip of hot chocolate before saying anything else. "I think he feels bad about yelling at you and sulking all the time."

"He said that?"

"Maybe you should talk to him about it."

"Yeah, well, he's asleep." Seung Hyun doesn't insist, though, because that was a pretty big hint to drop the subject, and he can't really fault Young Bae for not wanting to repeat whatever Ji Yong tells him in private. He runs his finger absently over the rim of his mug, then looks up at him again. "Is that manhwa you were reading in the van any good?"

***

"Seung Hyun." Ji Yong wakes him up with a light shake rather than a kiss, this time, and a glance at his alarm clock informs him that it's four in the morning. "D'you wanna talk?"

"I wanna _sleep_ ," he mutters, then buries his face into his pillow. He hears a sigh, then the covers are pulled back briefly as Ji Yong lies down next to him. His feet are ice-cold, and Seung Hyun jerks his legs away, suddenly a lot more awake than he'd like to be.

"... I'll go if you want me to."

And there he goes again, assuming the worst possible thing. Seung Hyun raises his head and gives him a look. "Your feet are cold, stupid."

He blinks, then glares back at him. "I _know_. I was trying to warm them up."

Seung Hyun grinds his teeth and sticks his feet against Ji Yong's again, because he's not going to be pulled into an argument about _feet_ at four in the morning. The damage's been done, though, and he's sure he won't be able to get back to sleep.

He gives it a valiant try anyway, closing his eyes and ignoring Ji Yong when he decides to wrap both his icy hands around one of his. The slow back-and-forth movement of his thumb on the back of his hand is slightly distracting for the first few minutes, and then he can't focus on anything else and it starts driving him completely insane. When he opens his eyes again, Ji Yong's looking at him.

"You still wanna break up?" Seung Hyun asks. No use postponing that talk now that he's wide awake.

"Well..." He gives a little shrug, his thumb finally going still. "It's not gonna work, is it?"

"Probably not," Seung Hyun concedes after a few seconds. He can't imagine a world in which they don't get on each other's nerves. "Thought you liked me, but..."

"I never said--" Ji Yong cuts himself off, then frowns. "I _do_ , it's just... You piss me off. A lot."

Seung Hyun doesn't ask why, because he's pretty sure Ji Yong wouldn't have a coherent answer to that. He thinks he knows, anyway. "Might've worked out if you weren't walking around looking for reasons to be mad at me, you know."

"That's not what I'm-- You just don't--" He stops again and shakes his head. "Whatever. I guess it was better before we got together."

"Yeah, I guess so." A tiny part of Seung Hyun wants to tell him how nice the cuddling and the sex and the not-pissy days were. That would be giving him what he wants, though, and then he'd be back to square one, with Ji Yong alternatively clinging to him and trying to get a rise out of him by being a raging asshole.

Ji Yong looks slightly disappointed by his reply, but he covers it up quickly. "Yeah. So..." he trails off, then lets go of his hand and sits up, clearly intending to leave. He lingers a little, though, probably in case Seung Hyun changes his mind. He isn't going to.

"Good night," he finally says as he gets up. Seung Hyun closes his eyes and tries to decide if he's feeling relieved or just regretful.

***

The break-up was such a non-event compared to the ridiculous ups and downs of their relationship that Seung Hyun has trouble snapping back to seeing Ji Yong only as a friend (or at least a group mate). There's no switching off his attraction to him, anyway - Ji Yong walks past him wearing only a towel the following morning, and Seung Hyun remembers just in time that the leer he was going to give him isn't appropriate anymore.

He's still thinking about it as he takes his own shower. The past few weeks have been the strangest of his life, and he's sure things are about to get a lot less stressful. Thinking about it logically makes the break-up easier to accept. They both have plenty of other shit to worry about.

But Ji Yong is sitting _thisclose_ to Young Bae and poking listlessly at his breakfast when Seung Hyun walks into the kitchen, and suddenly all he wants to do is to drag the stupid little drama queen to bed and hold him tight until he stops looking like that.

It's definitely going to take a while to adjust.

He flops down at the table, sighing, and picks up his chopsticks. They eat slowly, and the silence and glances from Dae Sung and Seung Ri are so awkward that Seung Hyun _has_ to say something. "We broke up, okay?" he mutters before shoveling more rice into his mouth.

They glance at each other. "Oh," Seung Ri replies carefully.

"Already?" Dae Sung asks at the same time. Seung Hyun doesn't even need to say anything, because Ji Yong raises his head and shoots him a withering look. Dae Sung clears his throat and looks down at his bowl again.

It feels almost weird to see that glare of his directed at someone else. Seung Hyun catches himself thinking he'll miss that, too, then wonders if he's gone insane. He obviously started caring a lot more than he was expecting to somewhere along the line, and he can't help but think they fucked up something that could've been good for both of them.

"Are you okay?" Dae Sung says quietly, nudging him, and Seung Hyun realizes he's been staring at his rice for much too long. He nods, looking up, and accidentally catches Ji Yong's eyes. The concern is obvious in his expression, but he immediately shuts himself off again and lowers his eyes, his face blank as he pokes at a piece of kimchi.

Seung Hyun wants to smile and throw something at the same time. Ji Yong cares as much as he does. They're fucking ridiculous.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replies after taking a deep breath. He's pretty sure he will be. They can give it another shot in a couple of years, once Ji Yong's grown up a little and their work isn't putting so much pressure on them.

He'll just think of it as a hiatus rather than an unhappy ending.


End file.
